What came first, the body or the mind?

What came first, the chicken or the egg? 

Try again. 

What came first, the body or the mind? 

I have decided that after the month of October I will be cutting my hair off. It’s the longest it has been since I was sixteen years old and I don’t think it’s for me. I pinned dozens of photos of girls with long hair and baby bangs on pinterest. They look dewey and indie and perfect but I don’t like it on me. It doesn’t feel good. There are only so many things that feel good and if cutting my hair is one, then it’s really quite a simple act.

My hair feels heavy and I imagine that it looks like a wig and apparently your hair holds trauma and emotions. I’m not sure how true that is but “the body keeps the score” and I think of muscle memory daily. I think of my feelings so much and yet I often forget to ask where they live. 

I used to wake every morning and ask her. My body like a siamese twin, like a puppet, an instrument. Everyone says instrument though and while it is, it is also alive, unlike material. 

I would wake up and fill my empty belly and slick my hair back and feel the creaks and hot pains of the muscles I was asking to work another day. I’d heat them up and stretch and sense the temperature of the room and the stickiness of the marley that day. My body or my brain may complain but a deeper part of them makes them stay. My energy will increase, or it will not, but I will finish class all the same. Remind self that pushing through the bad classes are when you improve the most.